the weeping willow

Have you ever looked at a weeping willow?

She hangs her head,
Her exhausted limbs shake.
She weeps for her lost love.

She longs to break down and cry,
But she knows to do this is to die.
So she moves with the winds
And through this she lives.

Her dance is sorrow, not so much shame.
She moves slower, gently now.

Her sobs whisper softly
As her brances sway slowly.

Quietly.
Fading fast.

All she knows is that she must bend,
Or else break.

Her fears are rising.

Is she as lost to herself
As the one she once clung to?
The one she once depended on?
The one she knows she could always trust - forever.
Her one true love.

After the rains abate
The tears glisten as they run down her cheeks.
Little rivulets.
They are pulled thinner, longer,
And she finally feels stronger.

The sun shines upon her
To dry her tears away.
She is glad that she could bend
And not break.

To be rooted, steadfast, but always pushing,
Making room to grow,
Even as she wants to shrink and shy away.

The good and the bad;
One fortifies the other.

The clash of wanting the relief of cool tears
To wash her worries out of her mind,
And wanting to bask in the glory and warmth
Is always there, always present.

She is torn between pleasure and pain.
To be taken to her limit and pushed over it
Allows her to grow.

She shall run and not be weary,
Walk and not faint.

And the glory and greatness shall reign...
Triumphantly... Eternally...
Because no matter how many times
She bends her head to cry...

She will survive.
The moving, bending, growing.

She will not be broken.
She refuses to die.

You can neve break her,
Even as she lies
Vulnerable and seeking,
Striving to know...

She she hangs her limbs
And weeps for things that cannot be so.

Until the storm is past.

Then she will know.

KN. no date (97-99)

i see you

I see you and you smile.
You just brightened my day.
Its that special feeling
. . when you think you realize
. . that the person you like so much
. . likes you too.

You laugh from across the room.
Your laughter wipes my tears away.
Just a thought, a kind word,
. . if only you'd glance this way,
. . and the joy no man taketh away.

In my dreams you appear.
You walk and talk, and I am yours.
But even when dreams
. . don't cloud my eyes,
. . the sun shines on my face
. . and I see love.

KN. 13 Apr 2001

no way to say

There's no reason for crying,
Inside I'm not truly dying.
But it seems like I am,
Or at least have lost a friend.

Its hard fo me to see
The way things used to be
When you aren't talking to me.
Its like my wold has gone silent.

I can't seem to find air to breathe.
I hope you can't see what you're doing to me.

It hurts in my chest,
Deep, where I can't try to reach.
My longing and pain
Just won't go away.

Your silence is strangling.
Its nothingness echoes in my ears.
You don't want to talk,
You aren't willing to listen.

Why must you force this situation?
All it causes is pain and agony.
If I try to see whee you're coming from,
You turn and hide yourself away.
And I can't see you.

When I try to say what I feel
You slam barriers up in my face.
I know I haven't got much tact,
A thousand times you've said that,

Once I thought that didn't matter
And now you've proved that I'm wrong all along.

I shouldn't pay you no nevermind,
Not one little bit.
But part of me is crying out.
You know you've wrenched my heart out.

How can anyone be as cruel as you?

If I were someone else
Maybe I wouldn't mind you.
You are my best friend;
And words or no words can't change that.

Don't you see you've made me wrought-up?

Because we two are so unalike
I know there's no way to say
What I'd like for you to know
About my reactions to your ways.

KN. no date (99-01)

falling rain

The rain taps gently against my window pane. Begging me
. . to let it in.

A great temptation that will not last long. Because I will
. . succumb to it.

I fling up the shades and am almost immediately lost
. . in the moon. Peaking out from behind ominous looking clouds.

As if I am in a trance, I open the windows. The wind blows.

I raise my arms to glorify the feeling. I accept the rain.

My hair, pulled away from my face in the initial gust, sticks
. . wetly to my neck and shoulders.

The full moon shines on my upturned face. Glistening in the dark.

Beautiful diamond droplets race down my neck
. . as the torrent increases.

If I lean out any further I shall fall. And I do.
. . And yet, I don't.

Because I have already fallen.

KN. 5 Apr 2000

SCUBA

I thought I should include a picture of my new BC only because its soooo neat. Not only does it come in the colors of all my current scuba equipment, it zips up instead of having the weird/ill-fitting cummerbund and randomly placed chest strap! Its got several side tabs to pull so it fits properly across the chest, ribs, hips, torso, so it won't go up or down. Its a back-inflate so I've plenty of room to move my arms, and its got integrated weights (includes trim pockets in the back) so its super easy to stay perfectly horizontal or vertical and you don't have to worry about the in betweens unless you're trying for that.

I finally dove Lake Mead (here in Vegas) for the first time on Thursday. I played a lot with the buoyancy, but my BC is so sweet, with its zipper and the adjustments so it fits like a corset. By far the most comfortable BC I’ve ever worn. We did two dives that day, the first was a girl’s final certifying course for her open water, then the second I got to play dummy for a fella getting his rescue cert. He had to surface tow me for 100 feet simulating rescue breathing, then undo my BC and get me onto a boat and simulate CPR. Then, back in the water with my BC on, I went down to 60ft and had to pretend being out of air, fight for his air/mask/etc, then not want to stop for a decompression stop. It was pretty fun, so I think that’s something that I’ll look for after Korea (brought back old lifeguard memories), and its just good stuff to know in general.

I almost got to do this neat dive just off of Long Beach this weekend, but the weather was too bad for a novice such as myself… maybe next time. It was an oil rig, but because it goes down some 700 feet, it’s a “bottomless” dive. I’ve just got stories now of playful seals blowing bubbles in divers’ faces, huge starfish over a foot across, snaggle-toothed sheep's head fish and tiny little shrimp in all the colors of the rainbow hugging the structure. The weather cleared up a bit, though the sun never fully came, but it was a fun/relaxing weekend after all :-)

.

If anyone has good ideas for warm water dives this next year+, please post a response! I’ll make sure to get the word out when I’m planning my next dive (locations from my previous post, plus Fiji I’m thinking now), and if folks are interested I'll organize all the details.

keeping busy, as always

Well I have moved into my new apartment... and now two weeks later, I finally got my modem - sorry for the delay. Still going through those old storage boxes too. My new address is:
. . . . 770 W. Lone Mountain Rd #1078
. . . . North Las Vegas, NV 89031

I am just spinning up into my new (and final semester!!!) and have decided to start an advanced course in SCUBA (currently only Open Water certified). I purchased a BC, regulator and all the gauges so that when I do get to Korea, I'll be well equipped and confident when I go diving in Australia, Philippines, Thailand, etc. Still working on handing off my old jobs though so it feels like I'm working overtime between that, outprocessing, school, and researching my new position/unit in Korea. Guess that's it for now; hope everyone is having a great day!